Why "Just Dreaming"?
Because it seems more fitting for a blog title than "No Plans".
Because It sounds more poetic and also a bit more cheerful.
Because my mind wanders a lot! The day-dreaming seems to happen even more frequently when my professor is talking.
Because this blog is for me. A place for me to hold my hopes and fears. A place for me to talk about whatever I want in anyway that I want. I can be as creative and random as a dream.
Because I've always been captivated by dreams. I love dreaming. I love waking up and thinking about them. What did it mean? Why did I dream that? The ones that linger and the ones that drift away like sand on the shore. The fleeting ones that you try to hold onto but they slip through your fingers like dandelion puffs. The slight disappointment at only being able to remember a few, whimsical details and then the wonder at why it so happened that those were the ones that you remember. The feeling of knowing that there was more to the dream, having it on your finger tips, and then the wind brushes it away. Those dreams are lost but new ones will come. The good dreams, the ones that make you warm and fuzzy and loved. Even the nightmares that prick at your fears and doubts and insecurities because you get to wake up from them and know that they are just dreams, not reality. I like that I have no control over the dreams. I don't know when they will come. I don't know why I dream what I do. I don't know if the dream will be happy or sad. I like that the ideas of my subconscious are so crazy and so random and so wonderfully creative. I like that the people I love and admire visit my dreams from time to time and I get to spend time with them in my sleep.
Because the dreams of the last few years have faded into nothing. And the past few months have been a nightmare.
Because, right now, my future seems wispy and ephemeral. Floating, floating up- up in the air. It's as hazy as a dream you can't quite remember. I have no idea where I'm going or what's going to happen. So I'm just dreaming.
Because right now I'm just a dreamer. I'm starting to get better but I've got a long way to go and a lot of things to get done. I haven't accomplished any of that yet. And, until I do, that's all I'll ever be, a dreamer.
Because I'm so far from any kind of goal or accomplishment that they're barely even real. But I can dream. And as I get closer, those dreams will solidify into reality.
Because God used to talk to his people through dreams and I'm trying really hard to listen to him now.
Because I'm starting to hope again.